3 Benefits of Premarital Counseling

Over the years, I have asked many married couples if they have any regrets about their relationship. The answers vary, but one common refrain goes something like this, "If I was able to do it all over again, I would have gotten some therapy early on. It would have saved a lot of pain and heartache."

There are many benefits of premarital counseling, but I want to focus on three:

1. Increased Marital Success.

Studies have shown that premarital counseling can increase the marital success rate by 30%. In other words, couples that engage in premarital counseling are 30% more likely to stay happily married than divorcing. That's a crazy number. Research also shows that premarital counseling improves conflict and communication skills while increasing relationship quality and satisfaction. There are many reasons for this, but a simple one is that a therapist is a third-party observer without an agenda that can point out things and make observations that the couple may be missing. As humans, we all have a great ability to make perceptive observations of others, but when it comes to ourselves, we can have blinders on.

2. Increased Wisdom.

The phrase "knowledge is power" is often attributed to Sir Francis Bacon, who probably should have been a counselor. Many of us are on a lifelong quest to understand our partners. It can be nice to have an ally whose job it is to study relationships and human behavior. I have been married for ten years, and I think I have made almost every mistake in the book. I have spent over a decade studying my lovely wife, trying to understand her motivations and wants and desires, and I have made some progress. I can easily relate to many couples because I have experienced some of the same problems. Why does he try to fix things instead of listening to what I am saying? Why does she criticize me? Why does he leave dishes in the sink when I have said a thousand times I hate it? Premarital counselors run into these problems often, and they have a great amount of knowledge and insight to pass on. Once couples know what is happening and why that wisdom leads to problems being solved and more happiness.

3. Increased Perception.

Orson Scott Card said, "When you really know somebody you can't hate them. Or maybe it's just that you really can't know them until you stop hating them." Sometimes, our partner will say something extremely hurtful, and it is natural to become sad and defensive and angry and respond negatively. However, it is possible that there was a reason that person acted that way, and it might have nothing to do with us. What if we understood perfectly why our partner said that hurtful thing? It might make us more empathetic, and it definitely would make it more likely that we could talk things out so it does not happen in the future. We are creatures of habit, and in relationships, we often fall into a pattern of acting the same way when things go bad. Couples will do well when things are good, but when things are bad, the couples with the perception of why their partner is behaving a certain way will have much more success navigating the tough times in the long run.

Written by: *Roy Martin, MFT Associate, formerly working with Sparrow Counseling in Birmingham, AL.

If you are interested in getting pre-marital counseling, please contact Sparrow Counseling at hello@sparrowcounsel.com for more information.

*Roy Martin, MFTA, is under the Supervision of Alan Swindall, LMFT-S