Discernment Counseling and What It Can Accomplish
Here in Alabama the beautiful, there are days where we may experience many seasons in one day. Sometimes when I leave for work in February, I may ask myself why did I wear so many layers of clothing this morning? Just like the weather, relationships go through different life seasons. Sometimes these seasons may bring about more questions than answers.
For couples going through different seasons in their relationship, particularly when confidence and clarity is gone, discernment counseling can help provide direction. For instance, relationship expert Dr. John Gottman states that it usually takes around 6 years of being unhappy before a couple seeks counseling. By this time, the couple has no confidence in the relationship or clarity to where they want the relationship to go. I can imagine that it would feel like I was looking for a buried treasure without a map.
I have observed couples in a discernment counseling session where a different path has been chosen each time. The common theme I often hear is that the couples become so frustrated with each other during the conflict that they end up shutting down and the conflict just goes unresolved. Repetition of such conflict leads to entrenched attitudes and behaviors.
How Does Discernment Counseling Help My Relationship?
One may ask, how can discernment counseling help my relationship? Some couples may be uncertain or uneasy about how such sessions differ from traditional couples counseling. How can 1-5 counseling sessions benefit our relationship? Here are three facts about discernment counseling and how that session can give you the confidence and clarity you need to move forward.
1) It Is Structured and Time Sensitive
A discernment counseling session is very structured and time sensitive, with the therapist helping the couple understand what their contribution was in the relationship. The therapist helps keep the session on task. In these ways, discernment counseling differs from couples counseling sessions and can be more effective than a traditional couples counseling session.
2) A Holding Environment
Discernment counseling provides a holding environment for each person to hear the other person and for them to decide as a couple the future of their relationship. Sometimes couples can get caught in-between family and friends and the couple may feel pulled to one side or the other. The couple's emotions are on high alert and they often find themselves stuck back in the cycle of no resolution to their conflict.
3) Learning Experience for Future Relationships
A discernment counseling session can be a learning experience for future relationships. In my last discernment counseling session, the couple stated they felt exhausted and both of them were relieved to make the decision together to become divorced. The couple felt so much pain and hurt from each other that one of the first things they said in the beginning of the session was that neither of them planned on ever being in another relationship. After participating in the session and having the space to say what they needed to say to each other, the couple could see a path to healing. They had listened to each other and realized what their contributions had been to the relationship. The couple walked away with hope that what they have learned from the relationship was something they would not take into future relationships.
If you are feeling stuck in your marriage and feel like discernment counseling can help, feel free to email us at hello@sparrowcounsel.com or call at 205-538-3978 for a free 15 minute consultation to see how we can help.
For additional information about Discernment Counseling, visit our blog https://www.sparrowcounsel.com/blog/discernmentcounseling.