How to Set Expectations as a Couple During the Holidays
Why 10 Intentional Minutes Can Change Your Season
The holidays are supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year, but for many couples, they’re anything but peaceful. Between family obligations, financial pressures, travel plans, and nonstop events, it’s easy to fall into autopilot. We rush through the season, and before we know it, it’s January, and we’re left wondering, Did we even enjoy that?
At Sparrow Counseling, we often tell couples that one of the most powerful things you can do during the holidays is take 10 intentional minutes to set expectations and intentions together. It doesn’t have to be a long or formal conversation. In fact, the simpler the better.
Why It Matters
When couples don’t talk about expectations, they tend to operate based on assumptions, and that leads to tension, disappointment, and conflict. But when you make time to check in with each other before the season ramps up, you’re laying the groundwork for a connected, grounded experience instead of just surviving the chaos.
Try This 10-Minute Check-In
Here are three quick prompts to guide your conversation:
1. What do I need to feel grounded this season?
Think about what helps you feel centered when things get busy.
Is it quiet mornings? A weekly walk? Saying no to a few events?
Each person should reflect on what brings a sense of calm and stability during a typically overwhelming time.
2. What feels emotionally loaded or stressful?
Are there specific traditions or expectations that create pressure?
Maybe it’s traveling with kids, hosting a certain relative, or navigating gift-giving on a tight budget.
Name it. When you say it out loud, it gives your partner a chance to understand and support you.
3. What are my non-negotiables this year?
Are there a few things that truly matter to you this holiday season?
Whether it’s attending a particular church service, taking a trip, or skipping a party—share what’s meaningful to you and why.
This helps both partners prioritize what matters most.
A Season You Build Together
This quick conversation isn’t just about logistics, it’s about staying connected. It’s about being intentional. And it might just lead to a deeper, more meaningful discussion about how you want your life and relationship to feel, not just during the holidays, but year-round.
You don’t have to get swept away by the season.
You can build it together.
And if you need some extra support navigating stress, transitions, or relationship dynamics this time of year, we’re here to help.
At Sparrow Counseling, we offer individual, couples, and family therapy to help you move through the holidays with more peace, connection, and clarity.
Ready to Create a More Intentional Holiday Season Together?
If you and your partner want support navigating the holidays with less stress and more connection, therapy can help. At Sparrow Counseling, we specialize in helping couples communicate clearly, manage expectations, and grow stronger, no matter the season.
Here’s how to get started:
Reach out to Sparrow Counseling for a free 15-minute phone consultation.
Be matched with a caring, experienced couples therapist who fits your needs.
Start building a more grounded, connected relationship together.
You don’t have to do it alone. Let’s make this season one of clarity, intention, and connection.
Other Services Offered at Sparrow Counseling
At Sparrow Counseling we offer in-person and online therapy in the state of Alabama. In addition to couples retreats, our team specializes in pre-engagement and premarital counseling, couples intensives, teen & preteen counseling, family therapy, co-parenting counseling, blended family counseling, discernment counseling, and more in Birmingham, Alabama. Learn more by checking out our FAQs and Blog!
Written by Sara Hadgraft, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Licensed Professional Counselor. For more than 30 years, Sara has helped couples and families strengthen their relationships through honesty, empathy, and skillful communication. As the founder of Sparrow Counseling in Birmingham, AL, she is passionate about teaching clients how to have the hard conversations that lead to lasting change.
