Grieving During the Holidays: How to Care for a Tender Heart
The holidays are often described as “the most wonderful time of the year,” but for many, they can be the most tender. We often associate grief with the death of loved ones, and understandably so. Loss through death is a tremendous blow, and grief in the aftermath of that loss takes many forms that often ebb and flow as we attempt to go about our lives carrying a painful, new reality.
Loss shows up in many forms. Relationships shift, change, and sometimes come to an end. Career transitions, relocating to a new place, or even anticipating major changes can all stir feelings of loss.
Loss, and the grief that so often comes with it, can feel completely out of place during the holiday season. While the world seems to celebrate with decorations, carols, traditions, and gatherings, these moments can feel almost impossible to take part in when we’re tender from loss.
So how do we navigate the holiday season while holding space for our wounded hearts?
1. Acknowledge your emotions with compassion.
Remember that your feelings, wherever you are on your personal grief journey, are valid, important, and fully yours to have. Offering yourself the grace to notice, name, and experience these emotions is an essential part of healing.
We often find ourselves battling our feelings, especially the ones that are difficult to manage or simply feel painful. But when we create a soft, compassionate space for these emotions to land, we ease the stress and tension that comes from fighting them.
Give yourself some time and space each day for grounding practices that remind you that feelings aren’t “bad,” and that there is no timetable for working through them. This could look like bundling up for a quiet walk, spending time with a good book, or enjoying a warm drink, anything that makes you feel safe and brings a sense of calm.
2. Saying “no” can sometimes mean saying “yes” to something better.
Try not to overextend yourself. Overcommitment can be stressful under the best of circumstances, and it can feel even heavier when you are navigating loss. Invitations often come from a place of care, and it’s natural to feel guilty declining if there isn’t a concrete conflict. Yet, it’s possible to be both appreciative and firm in saying no, especially when protecting your time also means protecting your tender heart.
Social connection is important and often beneficial, but knowing your limits can help create balance and reduce the stress that comes from rushing or overloading yourself. Give yourself permission to be selective with your commitments, honoring both your needs and your emotional well-being.
3. Plan ahead for emotionally difficult moments.
Are there certain places, traditions, songs, or gatherings that hold meaning or memories? Spend some time anticipating what those might be and how you want to approach them. Decide in advance what is manageable and only take on what you feel you are ready for. Some may be too much this year. It’s ok! Do what feels best for you. If you decide to engage, have a comfort plan. Lean into safe and supportive people, have a grounding plan like removing yourself for a break, or practice deep breathing or other grounding exercises that bring you back to your body and calm your nervous system. Have a backup plan and use it. Leaving early or adjusting your plan is absolutely ok.
4. Build opportunities for rest and small comforts into your daily routines.
Grief is exhausting. It takes energy, bandwidth, and even a physical toll. Planning your days and weeks intentionally, with time for rest and simple joys, can help sustain you. Small comforts like a warm drink, a soft blanket, a good book, a long walk, or favorite music can provide moments of calm and pleasure.
When you notice these comforting moments, allow yourself to fully experience them and commit that feeling to memory. During more difficult times, recalling these sensations of safety and calm can reassure you that intense feelings are not permanent and that ease will return. Our nervous systems respond to memories, not just of distress, but of comfort and joy as well. By noticing and storing these positive experiences, you create a personal cache of resources to help navigate challenging emotions and restore a sense of balance.
5. If the season feels especially heavy or you find yourself feeling isolated, reach out for support.
Your experience is uniquely yours, and grief is anything but linear. There are no “shoulds,” no timelines, and no prescribed path you must follow to move through your loss. If you need guidance along the way, connecting with a mental health professional can help you build the capacity and tools to navigate your experience with greater support and clarity. Asking for support doesn’t mean you’re failing; it means you’re honoring your healing.
If you’re navigating grief this holiday season and need support:
Grief can make us feel like we’re walking through the world with invisible weight, especially when everyone around us seems to be celebrating. If you’ve made it this far in the season (or even just through this blog), take a moment to acknowledge the strength it takes to keep showing up. You deserve care, support, and space to heal, whatever that looks like for you right now.
Reach out to Sparrow Counseling for a free 15-minute consultation.
Learn more about our caring, experienced counselors in Birmingham, AL.
Find tools and support for moving through this season with compassion and care.
Other Services Offered at Sparrow Counseling
At Sparrow Counseling, we offer in-person and online therapy in the state of Alabama. In addition to grief counseling, our team specializes in teen & pre-teen counseling, family therapy, co-parenting counseling, couples retreats, premarital counseling and pre-engagement counseling, discernment counseling, and more in Birmingham, Alabama. Learn more by checking out our FAQs and Blog!
Sha Wortman is a Licensed Professional Counselor at Sparrow Counseling, where she brings over 20 years of experience supporting teens, parents, and families. Known for her calm, compassionate presence, Sha offers a safe space for clients navigating grief, transitions, emotional overwhelm, and long-term healing.