Unprocessed Grief in Relationships: How Grief Counseling in Birmingham, AL Can Help
Grief is a natural emotion that everyone experiences when they lose someone or something important to them. It can come from the loss of a loved one, separation or divorce in a relationship, losing a job, or any significant life change.
While grief is a normal part of life, it's not always easy to deal with. Sometimes, people think it is better to avoid or ignore their grief instead of processing it. Unfortunately, this can have a negative impact on their relationships.
What is Unprocessed Grief?
Unprocessed grief is when someone doesn't go through the important stages of grieving. Instead of acknowledging and accepting their emotions, they may try to ignore them or numb them in unhealthy ways. This can lead to a lot of problems in relationships. When someone doesn't process their grief, it can be difficult for them to communicate well. They may struggle to express their thoughts and feelings, which can lead to misunderstandings and conflict.
If you have unprocessed grief it may be affecting your relationships in ways you are unaware of.
5 Ways Unprocessed Grief Can Affect Your Relationships:
1. Less present
Emotional distance is a common issue that can come from unprocessed grief. When you are grieving, you may withdraw from others and isolate yourself. This can make it hard for those who love you to connect with you and support you through your grief. When you have unprocessed grief, you can become distracted and have a difficult time concentrating, which can often make you less present in your relationships.
So what would help with this? Name it and claim it! Telling those around you that you care about that you are having a really hard time being present, validates your feelings and gives you the space and time needed to grieve. It also allows those around you to better understand your experience and your internal world. As I often say in couples therapy, your spouse cannot read your mind, so you need to share how you are feeling.
2. Hyperfocus on a new distraction
Unprocessed grief can be so tricky because it is painful and exhausting to grieve. It is often typical for those grieving to find a new “passion”, or “concern” or throw themselves into their work that pulls them away from their grief. You may hyperfocus on this newfound obsession.
Initially, this can feel free-ing because you are able to concentrate on something else, but in the end, your hyperfocus only stunts your grief process. Be careful of new distractions that you may be tempted to care about more than your process.
3. Irritability
Unprocessed grief can also make you more irritable and prone to anger, which can strain relationships. If you are depressed and grieving you are often irritable. Why? Because your normal life has been totally disrupted. You have no idea what “normal” even looks like anymore and that is scary! Rather than being self-aware and validating that feeling, you will often stuff it down and just be pissy to those around you.
With Irritability There may be Exhaustion
Rather than saying “I have no idea what life is about anymore. I am so scared to lose anyone else. Why should I even love anyone anymore? It is too painful!” you stuff down those very normal feelings and do not talk about them. Another reason grieving people are irritable is because they are exhausted. Every mundane task that you could easily finish in 5 minutes now takes way longer than ever before because you can’t concentrate and there are triggers to your loss ALL over the place. Smells, clothes, songs, foods, and places are all triggers.
You name it- grieving people have to constantly deal with old memories, and grieve them (for a lot longer than they want to) before they can make a new memory or put the old grief memory into a place of acceptance and peace.
4. Escaping with substances or other addictions
Grieving people want to find any way to end their pain. Often substances can be the answer for many because they become numb from grief and can no longer feel. The problem with using substances as your coping skill is when you wake up the following morning you feel worse and the grief is still there.
Working at an addiction outpatient program, I remember being very struck by how many addicts and alcoholics had a lot of unresolved grief. Walking through the very dark tunnel of grief can feel overwhelming. So overwhelming you want to numb yourself. But remember the grief will change.
It will not always feel like this. I don’t believe time heals all but I certainly believe that time shifts your perspective as you grow and change. You just have to be willing to sit in the pain until the shift comes.
5. Wondering if the pain will ever end…
Most importantly, unprocessed grief can make it difficult for you to move on from the past. You may feel stuck in your grief and unable to move forward with your life. This can make it hard to set goals for the future, which can affect your relationships and your well-being. With the help of a grief counselor, you can begin processing your grief that grief will change with time.
Processing Your Grief Does Not Mean You’ll Forget
It does not mean you will forget. It is kind of like if you had to have surgery on your leg and had a gaping wound. It would take time to heal. It may never heal fully so you can run or ride a bike in the same way. In fact, you may limp a little. But it will heal. It will be different but you will get through this pain. It will hurt.
The only way through it is to walk through it. Acknowledging and validating your feelings while slowly allowing yourself to hold onto the resilience needed to push forward and keep living!
Interested in Starting Grief Counseling in Birmingham, AL?
If you are struggling with unprocessed grief and want to understand how it can affect your relationships, we want to help you. At Sparrow Counseling in Birmingham, AL, we understand that dealing with grief and loss takes time. We know you need patience and understanding while you process all of your feelings. We want to help you through your unprocessed grief and identify ways to move forward with healthy relationships. To get started follow these three simple steps:
Reach out to Sparrow Counseling for a free 15-minute consultation
Begin your healing journey with support.
Other Services Offered at Sparrow Counseling
At Sparrow Counseling we understand you or a member of your family may be struggling with more than one mental health issue. To best support you and your family, our practice offers both in-person therapy in Birmingham, AL, and online therapy in Alabama. Our skilled team of therapists specializes in co-parenting counseling, reunification therapy, blended family counseling, divorce & family mediation, discernment counseling, individual counseling, and more in Birmingham, Alabama. Learn more by checking out our FAQs and Blog!
Other Blogs Discussing Grief & Loss
How to Find a Grief Counselor in Birmingham, AL
A Discussion With Counselors About COVID-19, Faith, and Grief.